I was at a point a few years ago where I felt totally out of touch with my true desires and pleasure. I didn’t feel like I had the time and I had lost touch with this part of myself.
Between work, being a mama, and all the responsibilities that held, I didn’t know how to connect with myself the way I used to be able to. And, this affected everything…my mood, my body, the choices I made, literally everything.
What happened to change it all? I learned specific practices and techniques to connect deeper to pleasure and to putting my self-care and self-love first. Gasp! First!! How selfish! Or maybe you’re thinking, “that’s great for you, but I can’t do that, there are too many people depending on me, too many things to do!”
If you are thinking either of those 2 things, then I challenge you to read on, because tapping in with pleasure and desire are EXACTLY what you need to manage all those hats, and keep all the balls in the air, with more ease and joy.
Now, my life is filled with tapping in with my body, my desires, my pleasure on a daily basis. And you know what, the world did not stop, the dinner still gets on the table, the kids are still taken care of. In fact, all of this is done with more ease, more attentiveness, more pleasure. Really. And sex? Well, let me just say it is a lot more juicy, spontaneous, and my desire is higher than ever.
The first step in getting in touch with desire and pleasure is to identify what your desires are and speaking them out loud, and writing them down.
When we desire to tap into pleasure or just to amplify our desire, we first have to identify what would give us pleasure and what help us tap into our desires.
Here’s an exercise for you:
Write down what’s in your way right now? What are the obstacles to you tapping in or receiving your desires?
What has kept you cycling in a pattern that isn’t serving you?
Is it lack of perceived time for yourself
Not asking for help
Taking on too many responsibilities
Distraction—using your precious energy to watch TV programs that help you zone out
Now take some deep breaths in and out slowly, and put your hands on your heart;
Ask yourself how you would FEEL, what are the sensations, if these things were not in your way?
Continue breathing until you can feel into your heart (use your “mind’s eye”) and see what your desires are—they are layered underneath all the “stuff”, the “shoulds,”, the “guilt”, and the barriers. Feel into the SENSATIONS that arise.
Continue your breathing as you tap in with these desires, and really feel them move in your body. Your breathing may change, your sensations may shift.
Imagine light streaming into your heart center, or whatever feels right to you.
Take a moment after this exercise to reflect on what came up.
Write these desires/images/wisdom down in the present using “I AM” For example: I AM….abundant in my life’s work. I AM…full of sexual desire for my partner. I AM so comfortable with my body.
At first these may feel false when you start to write them down. This is resistance. Go through it.
Then, be truly brave, and speak these desires outloud. YES!! OUT LOUD.
This is how you change what resides in your body.
Hit reply to this email and let me know if you did the exercise, what did you discover or if you got stuck with any part! I’d love to hear from you!
The deepest truth of deepening into sensuality, sexuality and pleasure is the dance of push and pull. It is the dance between striving and surrendering, relaxing and working.
When we take the time to dance with pleasure, and deep ecstasy, there is a fine line between the push and the pull. If we frame our mindset to enjoy the sensations, without the goal of orgasm, we can deepen into the experience.
It is the full surrendering up to the experience, the here and now, the walk with yourself, or a beloved, that brings deep openings into transformation.
Sensuality is a microcosm of the world—our experience with it can give us insights into how we walk in this world.
Do we continue to strive, push, and make ourselves into something we are not? Or do we pull back, retreat into ourselves, and find our truest desires birthing forth.
In my work counseling women around the topic of sensuality, sexuality, and relationships, along with my own self-work, this theme presents over and over again.
I hear lack of spontaneity, lack of time, a disconnect with desire as common threads.
The fact is, we all crave passion, awe-inspiring sensation, and deep, moving sensuality. We want to feel MOVED, INSPIRED, LOVED. I will bring it up a further notch and say that we want to be WORSHIPED, CARED FOR, AND DESIRED.
It is not selfish, and it’s not just in romance novels. It exists. It is what births new life into the world, it is what makes us cry, laugh, smile, delight. It is SHAKTI, the life force that pervades all things. Also called Qi, it is in all things and permeates our bodies, minds and souls.
You have a right to want more, to believe there is more to this life than the mundane, the grind, the “normal.”
Let me give you a very personal example of my experience with the push and pull of pleasure. I will be raw and real here. There is no time, nor any reason to not be fully in the here in now.
Yesterday was a day my husband and I were both working from home. We both were at our desks, doing our creative work independently. Mid-day came and my husband appeared behind me at my desk, kissing my ear and beckoning to come with him.
We found a warm area of the home, and had an amazing love making session, one that was full of passion, novelty, and mind-blowing pleasure. In my dance with pleasure, I could have said, “I have to keep working now, can we do it later?” I could have strived to keep pushing. I didn’t though, I grabbed the opportunity with open arms.
In my dance with pleasure, I could have strived towards an orgasm, and missed the exquisite dance that came before it of tuning in with sensation, my body, the light on my lover’s body, the pure fun of a mid-day romp. I did end up with an exquisite orgasm, but only after I released my attachment to it.
Where do you begin if you feel a disconnect with your own sexuality or in relationship to your lover (or lover you would like to have if you are single)? It starts with YOU my dear one. It honestly has everything to do with you, first and foremost.
There is no room for blame, for shame, for anything but pure love. But, we have decades of blocks we have inherited, absorbed, and learned. Believe me when I say this. Once you start unearthing one, you find another.
The promise I can give is that if you decide to take the dance with pleasure, she won’t lead you astray. She will lead you deeper into your heart, your authentic self, your uniqueness. She will heal old wounds, she will bring you more happiness than you thought possible. Will it be fun and rainbows all the way? Heck no, but the gold at the end is worth the journey.
My invitation to you is to notice how you dance with push and pull? What happens when you change it up, initiate a mid-day romp, self-pleasure in the morning, and massage your breasts in the shower? What happens when you start to break down the barriers and unveil your true potential for pleasure?
Are you ready for more? More pleasure, more joy, more ecstasy? I thought so!
Check out The Vital Woman Program: Awaken Desire & Increase Your Libido Naturally here: The Vital Woman Program