Why is it so difficult to relax into pleasure some times? What keeps our mind spinning and us unable to tune in with bodily sensations? Sometimes it flows and you find yourself so present in the moment and enjoying every sensation. Other times it feels like an invisible block.
This happens to all of us, some more frequently than others. I believe from my own experiences and that of hundreds of women I have talked with that the underlying root issue lies within pleasure.
The pleasure principle is that to have ease with pleasure, we have to invite pleasure in more frequently. She doesn’t want to be an uninvited guest, or feel like a third wheel.
In order to bring pleasure in, we may have to add her to our calendars. But, if you pencil her in, you betta show up! She doesn’t like to be dismissed.
But, why is it so hard to make time for her? This modern world is stripping something that is essential to the core of our well-being, our vitality, and happiness. Time for play, time to be in the moment, time to experience the pure awe of being alive.
I’ve made it my mission to learn how to dance with pleasure so intimately and teach others to do so. Why? Because it is fundamental to healing any physical or emotional blocks, illness, depression, anxiety, overwhelm, stress.
And, because it a journey that is constantly evolving for me. There was a time in my life I felt so mis-aligned with my path, so out of touch with my inner strength and power that I sought help from a therapist and used anti-depressants.
I now can look back on that time in my life and see I was missing my dates with pleasure. I am a driven woman—and it is easy for me to get so wrapped up in what I am striving for that I forget to breathe and enjoy.
As we are often called to teach what in essence the hardest lessons were for ourselves, we then become the mentors. We become the guides to show others along the path that we have so painstakingly had to find. We make it easier for those who would like to travel the path to do so with direction, ease, and a hand to hold.
I will be unfolding more about tapping into pleasure in the weeks to come. This is my life’s work. This is my calling.
This week, I’d like you to do an inventory of pleasure in your life. How often do you invite her in? In what forms does she show up for you? When does she slip in and you realize you are smiling, you feel at ease, and a lightness enters your body/mind/spirit. If you are feeling disconnected from her, then just start journaling about what lights you up. A good orgasm? A bath with candles? A great erotica book?
Remember, there is no agenda with pleasure. This is a deep dive into accomplishing nothing. It is in fact when we LET GO OF THE DOING that she arrives.
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With much love,
The deepest truth of deepening into sensuality, sexuality and pleasure is the dance of push and pull. It is the dance between striving and surrendering, relaxing and working.
When we take the time to dance with pleasure, and deep ecstasy, there is a fine line between the push and the pull. If we frame our mindset to enjoy the sensations, without the goal of orgasm, we can deepen into the experience.
It is the full surrendering up to the experience, the here and now, the walk with yourself, or a beloved, that brings deep openings into transformation.
Sensuality is a microcosm of the world—our experience with it can give us insights into how we walk in this world.
Do we continue to strive, push, and make ourselves into something we are not? Or do we pull back, retreat into ourselves, and find our truest desires birthing forth.
In my work counseling women around the topic of sensuality, sexuality, and relationships, along with my own self-work, this theme presents over and over again.
I hear lack of spontaneity, lack of time, a disconnect with desire as common threads.
The fact is, we all crave passion, awe-inspiring sensation, and deep, moving sensuality. We want to feel MOVED, INSPIRED, LOVED. I will bring it up a further notch and say that we want to be WORSHIPED, CARED FOR, AND DESIRED.
It is not selfish, and it’s not just in romance novels. It exists. It is what births new life into the world, it is what makes us cry, laugh, smile, delight. It is SHAKTI, the life force that pervades all things. Also called Qi, it is in all things and permeates our bodies, minds and souls.
You have a right to want more, to believe there is more to this life than the mundane, the grind, the “normal.”
Let me give you a very personal example of my experience with the push and pull of pleasure. I will be raw and real here. There is no time, nor any reason to not be fully in the here in now.
Yesterday was a day my husband and I were both working from home. We both were at our desks, doing our creative work independently. Mid-day came and my husband appeared behind me at my desk, kissing my ear and beckoning to come with him.
We found a warm area of the home, and had an amazing love making session, one that was full of passion, novelty, and mind-blowing pleasure. In my dance with pleasure, I could have said, “I have to keep working now, can we do it later?” I could have strived to keep pushing. I didn’t though, I grabbed the opportunity with open arms.
In my dance with pleasure, I could have strived towards an orgasm, and missed the exquisite dance that came before it of tuning in with sensation, my body, the light on my lover’s body, the pure fun of a mid-day romp. I did end up with an exquisite orgasm, but only after I released my attachment to it.
Where do you begin if you feel a disconnect with your own sexuality or in relationship to your lover (or lover you would like to have if you are single)? It starts with YOU my dear one. It honestly has everything to do with you, first and foremost.
There is no room for blame, for shame, for anything but pure love. But, we have decades of blocks we have inherited, absorbed, and learned. Believe me when I say this. Once you start unearthing one, you find another.
The promise I can give is that if you decide to take the dance with pleasure, she won’t lead you astray. She will lead you deeper into your heart, your authentic self, your uniqueness. She will heal old wounds, she will bring you more happiness than you thought possible. Will it be fun and rainbows all the way? Heck no, but the gold at the end is worth the journey.
My invitation to you is to notice how you dance with push and pull? What happens when you change it up, initiate a mid-day romp, self-pleasure in the morning, and massage your breasts in the shower? What happens when you start to break down the barriers and unveil your true potential for pleasure?
Are you ready for more? More pleasure, more joy, more ecstasy? I thought so!
Check out The Vital Woman Program: Awaken Desire & Increase Your Libido Naturally here: The Vital Woman Program